At night, especially for winter season, the demon whispers to my mind. The nightmare wears one essential question. I cannot get rid of my doubt. The question is, why I should not commit a suicide. I really don't want to do it, but I have no certain refutation of it.
We do not need to answer the question that why I should live a life because even if we cannot answer it, we can still alive. But if we cannot answer my former critical question, as a consequence, I should kill myself. That's a big problem.
In general, we explain the reason why we should not commit a suicide in terms of relationship or social aspects. That is, for instance, if you commit a suicide, your surroundings would cry. Or, another way is that if you live a life longer, you may have probability to catch a chance.
For me, I have no conclete trouble such that money, human relationship, and so on. The problem is abstract and just philosophy. I realized that the question derived from freedom. I want to constract a logical basis of not commiting a suicide without a perspective of human relationship. I suffer from reasoning. Living a life is too complex problem. Why we live a life? I cannot understand. The word "Why" requires "reason" and it acconpanies "meanings". I really want to know, or want to see the light from the darkness marsh of my life.
